I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Randomize
