turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
