3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
nutella sex= disaster
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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