Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
