When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
