Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
