ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
