I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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