I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i think i just lost a toe
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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