Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
