He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
