So many bounce houses so little time
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The air was thick with penises
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
