Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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