Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
