You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
