the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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