I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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