no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
