he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
