i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
