I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize