also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize