I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
