fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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