we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
