I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
