i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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