There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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