yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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