First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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