Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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