I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
