So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
