peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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