Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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