Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
