I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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