I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
