Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
