Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
