His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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