I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
