Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
