wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
