can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
