she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize