I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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