That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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