Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
