have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it because I queefed?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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