He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
