So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
