I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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