I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize