I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
