She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
