High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
