Umm I'm too high to move.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize