sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
