I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize