why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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